Four Months

Yep. Our boy is four months old and cuter than ever in our humble opinion.

New milestones include rolling from his back to tummy, laughing, and chewing on his hands. Charlie continues to be super chatty throughout the day and when he is awake, is in constant motion. He loves to sing and play with David and has become a pro at grabbing onto toys and my hair. He definitely prefers being upright these days - carried over a shoulder, sitting up in your lap, or playing in the bouncy seat. He can hold his head up pretty well too these days and is our little observer - always watching. He's also started scooching on his stomach. All I have to say about that is yikers.

He is also showing more of his stubborn streak (shocking considering his parents, I know) - especially during nursing and before bed. During nursing, he loves to pull off and smile and play with me. As eating is the one thing in his life he can control, I suppose I get it. Going to sleep is still a bit of a challenge as C gets super fussy before going down and won't give it up. With a little time in the hall bathroom under the fan, however, he typically checks it in. Hilarious.

Big news in sleeping this month as well ... last week, I followed Katie's excellent rec of buying a breathing monitor to assuage my anxiety about putting him down on his tummy at night. (If you are in the market, I went with the Snuza and love it. It's portable and has a vibrating feature that buzzes the baby). Once we started putting Charlie down on his tummy at night, he started sleeping from 10:30 - 6:00 which is amazing. Napping is still a grab bag most days. Sometimes he'll take two long naps and some days he'll cat nap with little thirty minute naps throughout the day.

This month held many firsts. Charlie attended his first concert, movie, first Nordstrom Anniversary Sale and first time away from me during the day while I taught a few summer camps. Thanks to Melissa and Mutti for helping with his care. It was a seamless transition with only moderate crying on my part. C also had (and still has!) his first diarrhea bug which is gross and a diaper-killer, but doesn't seem to be affecting him one bit.

Every day with this little human is better and better and David and I are overwhelmed with love.

Mother Guilt

Last night I nicked Charlie's fingertip while cutting his nails and immediately teared up and started apologizing compulsively. Mind you, my son was fine - happy and playing in his activity chair - unaware of the blood dripping from his finger. I, however, couldn't get it together, riddled with guilt. Blessedly, I have a husband who is rationale and took over applying pressure to the finger while I had a good cry in my room.

I heard about the concept of Mother Guilt when I was pregnant and, to be honest, scoffed at it. Why feel guilty when you a) are learning as you go the first time around and b) are doing the best you can, offering as much as you can. And, while I still agree with my logic pre-baby, after four months of motherhood, I am still battling the Mother Guilt and so I write to attempt to exercise and wrestle a bit.

Perhaps my upcoming return to work and the overcast summer skies are heightening my awareness of my MG today, but nonetheless, I confess that I am acutely aware that I feel unsettled unless I'm working to be all things to all people - especially my son. It's a challenge I've struggled with my whole life, but it's definitely been heightened since Charlie arrived. I will never be the perfect mom or wife or teacher or daughter and I do not want to be. I want Charlie to know that life is just as full of disappointment as it is filled with celebration. I want him to know that even those who love him most will let him down now and again and that life is about offering grace and choosing trust in relationships.

I do not pretend that my confessing this struggle will eliminate my Mother Guilt or my drive to please others. I do hope, however, that I will find a little freedom and feel the grace that surpasses understanding as summer draws to an end.

Road Trip

A few weeks back, after waiting out a massive hail storm in Charlotte, we journeyed to Atlanta to celebrate Cate Candler's wedding to Chris Singerman and to spend time with Maureen, Brendan, Sam, and Roy the Bulldog. The wedding was nothing short of gorgeous and the bride and groom were stunning. Many of Dave's classmates from Wake were there and it was heavenly to catch up. I neglected to get photos of the wedding - possibly because we left Charlie with Mar and Brendan (thank you, thank you!) and had our first long night out since he joined our family. On Sunday we joined Jack and Margaret for brunch which was lovely.

It was so sweet to see the Sullivans in their new Atlanta life and we loved every minute of our visit. It was also a special chance for David and Roy to renew their love for each other. Haha. A few photos follow ...

napping like a champ in Sam's crib

Sweet Sam

where is David going?

Baby's First Concert

To celebrate our anniversary (9 years, yo), we decided to head out to see one of our favorite artists, David Gray. The concert was amazing - intimate and very much like a house concert and David Gray is crazy talented - I mean, crazy talented. Since Charlie was (and is) battling a little diarrhea bug so he came with us. Baby's first concert went well - Charlie made it to almost half way and then we chilled in the lobby in the sling. All in all, a memorable night out with the two men in my life.

Happy July 4th?

Haha.